Friday, February 04, 2011
Fear and Debt
| SCARY STUFF OK, so my personal debt load isn't as scary as the national debt, but as a single mother trying to make ends meet on 1 paycheck I sometimes feel just as hopeless. What causes this hopelessness? I think it's fear, at least for me. Fear that I won't be able to pay all the bills, fear that the credit card payments (even the minimums) will be too much, fear that I won't have enough money to buy groceries, fear, fear, fear. I do not notice these feelings of fear when, at the end of every month, I get my paycheck. But by the 3rd of the month, after I've paid all of my fixed monthly expenses (such as electricity, mortgage, etc.), the fear begins to creep in. After I've paid all necessary expenses, there's not much left over. And, as so often happens, Murphy comes knocking. The fear causes increasing anxiety, and sometimes panic. Then I start acting REALLY crazy - scouring the internet for additional part time jobs (I have one steady part time job currently, one full time job, and I do contract work when I can), go through the house AGAIN (even though I haven't acquired anything new since searching the house the month before) to find things to sell, whatever I can do to try to bring in more money to pay Murphy to leave me alone. Today is February 4th, and I'm already in the hole $400. I need to come up with an additional $400 to pay everything I owe this month! That's crazy, insane! Why do I do the things I do? Why did I pull out that piece of plastic to pay for new bedroom decor? Why???? I rationalized to myself that I NEEDED it - I hadn't had a new bedroom outfit, or mattress for that matter, since, well, forever. But honestly, that's no excuse. On a positive note, though, I am $30 closer to that $400 - I sold a homeschool Chemistry/Biology kit. And tomorrow I'll be participating in a research study that will bring in $45. Labels: fear, National debt, personal debt |
posted by Krista at 6:57 PM
